You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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