if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
be right there i have to get my cape
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
