I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Less talking, more tequila
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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