My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
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Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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