i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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