so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
