What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
