i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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