Sry I called you an 8
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
