im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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