Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
