he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
