Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
