CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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