I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
