the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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