I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
