hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
