how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
