Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
