Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize