I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
