I can text with my tongue
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
