Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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