eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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