She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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