I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
