i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
