If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
