she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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