you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
