apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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