weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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