Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You should frame my arrest warrant.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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