Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
