i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
