No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
