i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
