I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
