you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
