There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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