You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
