needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
