FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
