i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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