Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
