Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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