Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize