She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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