I'd wear matching sweaters with you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
