I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
