i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
