Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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