You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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