god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I could fuck to npr.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
