I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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