Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
4 words: hood of his car
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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