please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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