i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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