I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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