maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
